If you’re new here, I met my husband when I was 14 and I married him shortly after my 21st birthday and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. We’ve been together through so many stages of life – our teenage years, college, navigating careers, living long distance across two states, a cross-country move, and now raising two beautiful boys.
Every year, as we tackle each new stage, I still can’t believe this life we’ve built and how far we’ve come together. He always has my back and I have his.
So in celebration of our decade-long marriage, I asked Matt to help me list out ten things we’ve learned in 10 years of marriage.
- Don’t keep score, especially when caring for your children. Marriage isn’t a competition. Do things when they’re needed/necessary, not because it’s “your turn.” Don’t be the people who argue about who just changed the last poopy diaper. 🤣
- *Try* to not share a bathroom. This is essential. Men are gross. The hair shavings, nasty toilets, toothpaste in the sink. I’m not saying buy a house with two toilets and two sinks in the master… wait yes I am. Or make him take the guest bathroom, or use the yard. (If you have an OCD clean husband, bless you.)
- Make friends as a couple. We love making new friends, especially as parents it’s been fun to find friends in our same season of life. Even if you’re not up for hosting parties, Saturday morning playground + coffee meet ups are all the rage.
- Remember you’re on the same team. You share in each other’s successes and failures, so help each other along the way and have your spouse’s back. If you’re on the same team, then you should be able to challenge and constructively criticize your team because we have the same goals. We do this with tough issues and come to better conclusions for it.
- Know when to give the “honey do” list. Matt thinks this is key. Ladies, don’t rattle off the to-do list as you’re going to bed or when you’re waking up. Find that sweet spot in your man’s day and lay down the tasks. And guys, you know when the list is coming so don’t act surprised.
- Talk it out. Get your frustrations out and have hard conversations. They suck when you’re doing it but it’s always (err, almost always) better in the end. If something is eating you up, it won’t be long until it eats both of you up. So get it out earlier than later.
- Whoever gets up first, drop a K-cup. Do the right thing and bring your significant other coffee in the morning.
- Hire a babysitter. This should probably be listed as No. 1. But your marriage comes first, and as hard as it is to leave your baby for date nights, ya gotta do it. (When you’re ready, of course. But don’t wait until they’re 12.) That one-on-one time together is critical. Matt actually found our babysitter through my son’s old daycare. He asked around on the DL (since that’s typically against policy) and we found an amazing woman who is so great with kids.
- Encourage your spouse to have their own hobbies and me time. You need your own interests and time away. This is healthy for us. With blogging for example, my husband is a private person but he knows I enjoy this creative outlet and that means talking about my (our) life. He’s my biggest supporter, even if he doesn’t get social media. Find your own interests and passions and GO for it.
- Ask your partner how their day was. It’s that simple. And don’t just say “good” or accept it as an answer. Elaborate about your day. Share a funny story or a frustrating moment. Talk. The usual or seemingly insignificant moments throughout each day give context to unusual or extraordinary moments and allow the other to be a part of your life and share those feelings with you. The wins feel better and the losses don’t hurt as bad.
In all seriousness, our marriage isn’t perfect but we love each other hard. Not every relationship is the same or needs the same things, this is just what we’ve learned along the way, so take it or leave it. We still have a lot more to learn!