“A woman, as long as she lives, will remember how she was made to feel at her birth.” ~ Anna Verwaal
I had no clue what or who a doula was when I became pregnant with my first son, but I knew I wanted to feel supported, educated, and encouraged in my birth.
I think a lot of women assume doulas are just there for the day you give birth, but there’s so much more to it. They are prenatal and postnatal angels.
A doula, by definition, is a trained professional who provides continuous physical, emotional, and informational support to a mother before, during and shortly after childbirth to help her achieve the healthiest, most satisfying experience possible.
Having a doula often means there are less interventions during labor, too. Studies show a decrease in the C-section rate, the use of forceps, vacuum extraction, and episiotomies.
First, if you’re wondering if a doula is “worth it” let me shout YES a million times over, especially if you are a first-time mom. A doula costs about as much as your new couch did, and she is worth gold. Depending on where you live, a standard doula package can range from about $800-$2,000.
Doulas aren’t just for women who want unmedicated births, they’re helpful for medicated and C-section mamas, too. Your goal is their goal. They won’t sway you one way or another, but they will provide you with all of the evidence-based research so you understand your options and birthing rights.
So here’s how the process went – in my second trimester, we interviewed our doula Becky Hines (now a midwife) and immediately connected. Becky asked me a lot of questions about my birth goals, diet, exercise, overall health, and what I envisioned for the big day. She never shared her opinions unless I asked. She supported my wishes and we made a plan to achieve everything I wanted. For me, that was an unmedicated hospital birth with no interventions, a dark and quiet space with minimal interruptions and minimal monitoring, and more.
Becky would check in every few weeks with the BEST tips on navigating pregnancy, health reminders, and check lists. I always looked forward to her emails!
When I entered the third trimester, that’s when things really picked up. Becky recommended an evidenced-based birthing and newborn class (that was 100x better and more informative than the hospital classes). She also recommended I see a Webster-certified chiropractor to help prepare my body for a smooth delivery. Which is a MUST!
Becky made a house visit to chat about our roles and logistical plans for delivery day, and we went over labor positions. She also asked one pivotal question: “When you’re sick, do you want Matt to cater to you and be with you, or do you prefer to be left alone with Netflix? Because that’s how you’ll most likely be during birth, you may or may not want him.”
She nailed it. When I was in labor, I really just wanted to be left alone with Matt and Becky alternating labor positions to relieve my pain (i.e. pressing in on my hips as contractions hit, ahh so much relief).
Her emails continued with tips on ideal stretches and exercises to open my pelvic floor, hospital packing list, postpartum recovery product list, a detailed birth plan to give to my nurses upon arrival, etc.
She prepared me in ways my doctor NEVER did, especially when it came to preparing my body to birth smoothly (so many natural tips!) AND checking in on my mental and physical health in the days after delivery.
On delivery day, I called her after my water broke because I thought there was meconium in the fluid (which meant baby pooped in the fluid and medical staff would need to ensure he didn’t breathe in the fluid upon delivery). I sent her a photo of the fluid and she told me to call the on-call doctor and let them know. The doctor told us to head to the hospital.
We arrived around 1 a.m. and the nurses immediately starting talking about inducing me. But I handed over my birth plan and called Becky. She told me I needed to start working to get my contractions to come on naturally, and suggested I walk around and then get my breast pump out to stimulate my nipples. And whew it worked! Contractions came on immediately after I pumped.
Becky joined us when I was deep in active labor (a.k.a. when I told Matt to call her because I was ready to give up). That was our plan, she’d come when we called. She arrived at 6 a.m. and put me to WORK. We did various labor positions to help move the baby down the birth canal. She encouraged me, believed in me, and didn’t let me give up on my birth plan.
The male doctor who was on call (who I didn’t care for) came in six hours after we arrived to check my cervical dilation, and I was told that if I hadn’t progressed enough, they were going to induce me. Becky said, “You don’t have to let him check you if you don’t want to.” That brought me SO much relief. I denied the cervical check because I knew I wasn’t as far along as they would have wanted. Checking my cervical dialation would have been a head game for me, making me feel like I hadn’t progressed enough.
That was KEY to achieving my ideal labor. If I hadn’t denied that cervical check, it is likely my birth plan would have escalated to interventions and drugs. Two hours later my son was born. My body needed those two quiet and hard hours to move my baby down. It ended as a short 8-hour labor for a first-time mom.
Becky visited us a few days later to bring me my placenta pills, check in on me, and see how breastfeeding was going. She gave me a few tips on nursing and we relived my birth story, laughing at all the F-bombs, sneaking a protein shake (because I wasn’t allowed to eat during labor), Matt watching Roseanne while Becky had me moving positions, and all the silly and special moments that only she witnessed with us.
My second labor was a planned home birth (with BECKY! Since she’s now a midwife) and I also hired a doula. Eshelle was such a clam and supportive presence. She stood by my side for another short 4-hour labor. Eshelle would whisper words of encouragement in my ear and it brought me so much comfort. Her energy was everything.
So if you want someone to support you, cheer you on, and guide you throughout your pregnancy and labor, a doula is your girl. Happy laboring. ❤️
PS: Many hospitals are now allowing doulas back in the birth room (something that was denied during the height of COVID). You can find a doula in your area here, or ask your doctor or a midwife for a referral.